Monkisms : Mr. Monk and the Captain's Wife

Monkisms for episode Mr. Monk and the Captain's Wife:

When the Captain's wife falls victim to an apparent union dispute gone awry, it's up to Monk to find out what really happened and bring Stottlemeyer back from the brink.

Sharona: Adrian, I'm going to spank you.
Monk: Are you talking to me or the dog?
Sharona: Both.

Stottlemeyer: Hey, Monk.
Monk: Captain.
Stottlemeyer: Happy garbage day!

Stottlemeyer: I understand now, Monk. You can't let it go, can you?
Monk: No.
Stottlemeyer: Don't ever lose that watch.

Monk: (pointing to Stottlemeyer's gun) You might want to let the lieutenant to hold that for you.
Stottlemeyer: Why? Are you afraid I'll use it?
Monk: I would.

Monk: Call the captain. I've solved the case.
Cranky neighbor: Go!
Sharona: She did it?
Monk: No. I wish she did.

Monk: Max, you have to stay inside the lines.
Max: (coloring messily) I don't want to.
Monk: Please. It's--it's a rule. Rules are fun, huh?

Dr. Kroger: It's a tough case. How do you feel?
Monk: I'm torn. Half of me is worried about Karen, forty per cent is worried about the captain, and five per cent is relieved that somebody finally understands what I've been going through.
Dr. Kroger: Do you know that's not a hundred per cent?
Monk: I know. I always keep part of me empty for emergencies.

Stottlemeyer: (waking up) What are you doing?
Monk: (adjusting Stottlemeyer's arms) Making them even.
Stottlemeyer: Even?
Monk: You'll sleep better if they're even.

Cranky neighbor: Who are you?
Monk: Just a concerned citizen, ma'am. A good Samaritan, passing by.
Cranky neighbor: You're demented!
Monk: Oh, that's a matter of opinion.

Stottlemeyer: (picking up a bag of candy from a machine) Peanut butter. I hate these. Do you want it?
Monk: Why'd you buy it?
Stottlemeyer: I didn't buy it. I felt like hitting something.

Stottlemeyer: Well, maybe he wasn't thinking straight.
Monk: Maybe you're not.
Stottlemeyer: Look, Monk. You don't know what I'm thinking.
Monk: I do! The place you're in now--that's where I live.

Sharona: (to the dog) Adrian, no!
Monk: You call him Adrian?
Sharona: He's upset! He's nervous. He's always cleaning himself. You should be flattered.
Monk: I should be... but I'm not.

Sharona: Why are we even here?
Monk: I want to protect the captain.
Sharona: From who?
Monk: From himself.

Disher: (referring to the perp's bare footprints) Maybe he was an American Indian.
Monk: An American Indian sniper?
Disher: Maybe it was an uprising--against technology.

Disher: Do you want to see something really weird?
Monk: No. (Long pause while Disher stares at him and waits.) Okay.

Monk: She's going to want to keep it. We can't have a dog.
Disher: You don't live together.
Monk: Oh. Yeah.

Monk: Don't! Sharona, don't. Don't touch the dog. Okay, just, please, don't pat the dog. Don't touch the dog.
Sharona: Why?
Monk: Okay, if you touch the dog, Sharona, I'll have to let you go.
Sharona: You always say you're gonna let me go, but you never do it.

Stottlemeyer: If I lose her...
Monk: I know.
Stottlemeyer: We--Karen--
Monk: I know.
Stottlemeyer: Since we were kids...
Monk: I know. (Pause.) I know.

Monk: (to the garbagemen) God bless you and your work.

Monk: When you get to the garbage dump, my bags go in sector nine.

Garbageman: (holding up a sloshing bag) What's in here?
Monk: Water.
Garbageman: You're throwing away water?
Stottlemeyer: (whispering) Don't ask.

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Home Monkisms Forums Quote Of The Day Buy Monk on DVD Contribute Other Isms Links Total Isms in the database: 1133	Monkisms for episode Mr. Monk and the Captain's Wife: When the Captain's wife falls victim to an apparent union dispute gone awry, it's up to Monk to find out what really happened and bring Stottlemeyer back from the brink. Sharona: Adrian, I'm going to spank you. Monk: Are you talking to me or the dog? Sharona: Both. Stottlemeyer: Hey, Monk. Monk: Captain. Stottlemeyer: Happy garbage day! Stottlemeyer: I understand now, Monk. You can't let it go, can you? Monk: No. Stottlemeyer: Don't ever lose that watch. Monk: (pointing to Stottlemeyer's gun) You might want to let the lieutenant to hold that for you. Stottlemeyer: Why? Are you afraid I'll use it? Monk: I would. Monk: Call the captain. I've solved the case. Cranky neighbor: Go! Sharona: She did it? Monk: No. I wish she did. Monk: Max, you have to stay inside the lines. Max: (coloring messily) I don't want to. Monk: Please. It's--it's a rule. Rules are fun, huh? Dr. Kroger: It's a tough case. How do you feel? Monk: I'm torn. Half of me is worried about Karen, forty per cent is worried about the captain, and five per cent is relieved that somebody finally understands what I've been going through. Dr. Kroger: Do you know that's not a hundred per cent? Monk: I know. I always keep part of me empty for emergencies. Stottlemeyer: (waking up) What are you doing? Monk: (adjusting Stottlemeyer's arms) Making them even. Stottlemeyer: Even? Monk: You'll sleep better if they're even. Cranky neighbor: Who are you? Monk: Just a concerned citizen, ma'am. A good Samaritan, passing by. Cranky neighbor: You're demented! Monk: Oh, that's a matter of opinion. Stottlemeyer: (picking up a bag of candy from a machine) Peanut butter. I hate these. Do you want it? Monk: Why'd you buy it? Stottlemeyer: I didn't buy it. I felt like hitting something. Stottlemeyer: Well, maybe he wasn't thinking straight. Monk: Maybe you're not. Stottlemeyer: Look, Monk. You don't know what I'm thinking. Monk: I do! The place you're in now--that's where I live. Sharona: (to the dog) Adrian, no! Monk: You call him Adrian? Sharona: He's upset! He's nervous. He's always cleaning himself. You should be flattered. Monk: I should be... but I'm not. Sharona: Why are we even here? Monk: I want to protect the captain. Sharona: From who? Monk: From himself. Disher: (referring to the perp's bare footprints) Maybe he was an American Indian. Monk: An American Indian sniper? Disher: Maybe it was an uprising--against technology. Disher: Do you want to see something really weird? Monk: No. (Long pause while Disher stares at him and waits.) Okay. Monk: She's going to want to keep it. We can't have a dog. Disher: You don't live together. Monk: Oh. Yeah. Monk: Don't! Sharona, don't. Don't touch the dog. Okay, just, please, don't pat the dog. Don't touch the dog. Sharona: Why? Monk: Okay, if you touch the dog, Sharona, I'll have to let you go. Sharona: You always say you're gonna let me go, but you never do it. Stottlemeyer: If I lose her... Monk: I know. Stottlemeyer: We--Karen-- Monk: I know. Stottlemeyer: Since we were kids... Monk: I know. (Pause.) I know. Monk: (to the garbagemen) God bless you and your work. Monk: When you get to the garbage dump, my bags go in sector nine. Garbageman: (holding up a sloshing bag) What's in here? Monk: Water. Garbageman: You're throwing away water? Stottlemeyer: (whispering) Don't ask. Notice something that's missing from this episode? Add It Is there an error that we overlooked? Suggest a Correction
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