Monkisms : Mr. Monk Gets Jury Duty

Monkisms for episode Mr. Monk Gets Jury Duty:

Monk sits on the jury of a minor robbery trial and gets drawn into a larger mystery.

Monk: You know, I usually don't like shaking hands, but if I ever met the man who invented Tupperware, I would shake his hand.
Natalie: I think he might be dead.
Monk: But I would still shake his hand because he's probably perfectly preserved.

Monk: (reacting to an envelope in Natalie's hand) I've been drafted. They've reinstated the draft.

Monk: Don't get me wrong. It's a great system. It really is the best justice system in the world.
Natalie: I agree.
Monk: I just don't want to be part of it.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, what if everybody felt that way?
Monk: Everybody does.

Monk: I work alone. I'm a lone wolf.
Natalie: You're a lone wolf.
Monk: Even when I was on the force, I didn't like having a partner. I can't work with other people.
Natalie: Okay, well, I think that's sad.
Monk: I agree. It's very sad.

Monk: Thank you, Natalie. I know you mean well. I'd rather be sucked out of an airplane window.

Jury Clerk: If you do not hear your name, you are excused.
Monk: Here it comes.
Jury Clerk: (reading) Adrian Monk.
Monk: There it is.

Judge Rienzo: And you are?
Monk: Adrian Monk. Capital A, small d, small r, small i, small a, small n, space...
Judge: Thank you, Mr. Monk. I think we have it.

Monk: Your honor, I will not be able to serve today, unfortunately, for a number of reasons. First off, uh, there's the bathroom (pause) situation. I can't share a bathroom. I just can't. You can ask Natalie. Natalie?
Natalie: Yeah, he's persnickety. He's very persnickety. He's persnickety squared.

Judge Rienzo: Mr. Monk, I have seen hundreds of people pretend to be disturbed to avoid jury duty, but you, sir, are in a class by yourself.
Monk: You're too kind.
Judge: Well, it's not going to work, sir. You have a seat, Mr. Monk.
Monk: Objection.
Judge: You are juror number eleven.

Judge Rienzo: Whose phone was that?
Monk: It's hers, your honor. Number three. And she fell asleep. Yeah, you. Number eight, your honor.
Judge: Nobody likes a tattletale.
Monk: I think number nine is a tattletale.
Judge: That'll do, Mr. Monk.

Juror: What are you doing?
Monk: I was making them even, so we can all concentrate and not be disturbed by uneven venetian blinds.

Monk: Do you mind if we trade seats?
Juror: Why?
Monk: I'd rather be number ten. It's my favorite number. It's kind of important to me.
Mr. Cobb: You know what, pal? Nobody's trading anything with you. Now sit down, okay? I mean it. Sit! Okay?

Monk: When I'm ready, I'll tell you the solution. That's how it works.

Monk: Here's the thing. I don't like working with partners.
Foreman: Well, like it or not, you've got eleven partners now.

Mr. Cobb: What the hell kind of detective are you?
Monk: I'm the kind of detective who wonders why someone would take the time to wipe off the handle but not the blade.

Monk: (from the window) There's a body in the dumpster!
Natalie: You want a hot toddy and mustard?

Monk: (from window) Who is she?
Natalie: No ID.
Monk: No idea? (repeated several times)
Natalie: No ID!
Disher: No ID!
Monk: Check her identification!
Natalie and Disher: No ID!
Monk: Are those orthopedic shoes?

Mr. Cobb: What are you doing?
Monk: (whispers) You were smoking [in bed].
Mr. Cobb: I'm allowed to smoke. Read the sign.
Monk: It's keeping me awake. And you're going to start a fire.
Mr. Cobb: Then there's no problem. You're awake, right? If there's a fire, you'll see it and you put it out, right? Hey, right?

Monk: I think I'll stay and straighten up [the jury room].
Natalie: No. (leaves the room) We're going...

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Home Monkisms Forums Quote Of The Day Buy Monk on DVD Contribute Other Isms Links Total Isms in the database: 1140	Monkisms for episode Mr. Monk Gets Jury Duty: Monk sits on the jury of a minor robbery trial and gets drawn into a larger mystery. Monk: You know, I usually don't like shaking hands, but if I ever met the man who invented Tupperware, I would shake his hand. Natalie: I think he might be dead. Monk: But I would still shake his hand because he's probably perfectly preserved. Monk: (reacting to an envelope in Natalie's hand) I've been drafted. They've reinstated the draft. Monk: Don't get me wrong. It's a great system. It really is the best justice system in the world. Natalie: I agree. Monk: I just don't want to be part of it. Natalie: Mr. Monk, what if everybody felt that way? Monk: Everybody does. Monk: I work alone. I'm a lone wolf. Natalie: You're a lone wolf. Monk: Even when I was on the force, I didn't like having a partner. I can't work with other people. Natalie: Okay, well, I think that's sad. Monk: I agree. It's very sad. Monk: Thank you, Natalie. I know you mean well. I'd rather be sucked out of an airplane window. Jury Clerk: If you do not hear your name, you are excused. Monk: Here it comes. Jury Clerk: (reading) Adrian Monk. Monk: There it is. Judge Rienzo: And you are? Monk: Adrian Monk. Capital A, small d, small r, small i, small a, small n, space... Judge: Thank you, Mr. Monk. I think we have it. Monk: Your honor, I will not be able to serve today, unfortunately, for a number of reasons. First off, uh, there's the bathroom (pause) situation. I can't share a bathroom. I just can't. You can ask Natalie. Natalie? Natalie: Yeah, he's persnickety. He's very persnickety. He's persnickety squared. Judge Rienzo: Mr. Monk, I have seen hundreds of people pretend to be disturbed to avoid jury duty, but you, sir, are in a class by yourself. Monk: You're too kind. Judge: Well, it's not going to work, sir. You have a seat, Mr. Monk. Monk: Objection. Judge: You are juror number eleven. Judge Rienzo: Whose phone was that? Monk: It's hers, your honor. Number three. And she fell asleep. Yeah, you. Number eight, your honor. Judge: Nobody likes a tattletale. Monk: I think number nine is a tattletale. Judge: That'll do, Mr. Monk. Juror: What are you doing? Monk: I was making them even, so we can all concentrate and not be disturbed by uneven venetian blinds. Monk: Do you mind if we trade seats? Juror: Why? Monk: I'd rather be number ten. It's my favorite number. It's kind of important to me. Mr. Cobb: You know what, pal? Nobody's trading anything with you. Now sit down, okay? I mean it. Sit! Okay? Monk: When I'm ready, I'll tell you the solution. That's how it works. Monk: Here's the thing. I don't like working with partners. Foreman: Well, like it or not, you've got eleven partners now. Mr. Cobb: What the hell kind of detective are you? Monk: I'm the kind of detective who wonders why someone would take the time to wipe off the handle but not the blade. Monk: (from the window) There's a body in the dumpster! Natalie: You want a hot toddy and mustard? Monk: (from window) Who is she? Natalie: No ID. Monk: No idea? (repeated several times) Natalie: No ID! Disher: No ID! Monk: Check her identification! Natalie and Disher: No ID! Monk: Are those orthopedic shoes? Mr. Cobb: What are you doing? Monk: (whispers) You were smoking [in bed]. Mr. Cobb: I'm allowed to smoke. Read the sign. Monk: It's keeping me awake. And you're going to start a fire. Mr. Cobb: Then there's no problem. You're awake, right? If there's a fire, you'll see it and you put it out, right? Hey, right? Monk: I think I'll stay and straighten up [the jury room]. Natalie: No. (leaves the room) We're going... Notice something that's missing from this episode? Add It Is there an error that we overlooked? Suggest a Correction
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