Monkisms : Mr. Monk and the Kid

Monkisms for episode Mr. Monk and the Kid:

Monk unravels a baffling mystery after a toddler finds a severed finger in a park.

Monk: I'm tired of apologizing for him because he--he cares about putting things away--and--and how he looks. That's a good thing.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, he's not even two years old.
Monk: Well, then, he's in the vanguard, isn't he? He's a new breed. A new breed.

Dr. Kroger: In your heart of hearts, I think you know you're not ready for this.
Monk: I'm not giving him up.

Monk: (to big man in YMCA locker room) Could you--could you do me a favor and go away?

Monk: (on the phone with Julie) Listen very carefully. There are cleaning supplies in the hall closet. They're arranged alphabetically, then by height, then by date of purchase.

Natalie: Mrs. Carlyle, you can't go. They're expecting a man.
Monk: She's right. We'll have to find a man. (Everyone stares at him.) Or--or I could do it.

Abigail Carlyle: Do you have children?
Monk: Yes. I have a son. (Natalie stares.)
Abigail: Well, then, you know how I feel. Wouldn't you do anything for him? Wouldn't you die for him?
Monk: Yes. I would.

Natalie: What is this? Why is he wearing a helmet?
Monk: To protect his head.
Natalie: It must be so uncomfortable.
Monk: Oh, he'll get used to it. I used to wear one all the time.
Natalie: Your parents made you wear a helmet?
Monk: (Pause.) No.

Operator: Okay, sir, all right. Do you have any wipes?
Monk: Yes, I've got about two thousand!
Operator: That should be fine.
Monk: Not going to be enough!
Operator: Sir, you're gonna have to wipe your son's bottom. (Sound of screaming from the phone.) Sir, is the boy all right?
Monk: He's fine. That was me.

911 Operator: Sir, what is the nature of your emergency?
Monk: It's everywhere. B.M. It's B.M. B.M. B.M. It's B.M.
Operator: Sir, you have to stop saying "B.M." now. Do you mean your child is soiling his diaper?
Monk: Yes! Yes, he's soiling his--his diaper!
Operator: You mean you've never changed a diaper?
Monk: Hurry!

Teresa: Now before I go, do you have any questions for me?
Monk: Yes, yes. I have a couple of questions. What does he eat?
Teresa: He--eats food. (Pause.) He eats whatever you eat, only smaller portions.
Monk: So he's like a person.
Teresa: Exactly.

Teresa Crane: (referring to Monk's signature) It doesn't have to be perfect. (Pause.) Maybe it does.

Tommy: Nature dirty.
Monk: That's what I'm saying.

Monk: Oh, no, no, no, no. Tommy, don't put that [stick] in your mouth. No. See, that is nature. See, we never put that in our mouths. Nature is dirty. See. Nature. Dirty. Nature. Dirty.

Monk: Hello. My name is Adrian Monk.
Tommy: Munch!
Monk: That's right. I'm working with the police department as a consultant. Do you understand "consultant"?
Natalie: Mr. Monk, he's not gonna get that.
Monk: Um, an adviser. Sort of an adjunct.
Stottlemeyer: Monk, I don't know what an adjunct is.
Tommy: Much Monk!

Stottlemeyer: The boy's not talking.
Monk: Maybe he hates cops.
Stottlemeyer: Maybe he's two years old.

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Home Monkisms Forums Quote Of The Day Buy Monk on DVD Contribute Other Isms Links Total Isms in the database: 1133	Monkisms for episode Mr. Monk and the Kid: Monk unravels a baffling mystery after a toddler finds a severed finger in a park. Monk: I'm tired of apologizing for him because he--he cares about putting things away--and--and how he looks. That's a good thing. Natalie: Mr. Monk, he's not even two years old. Monk: Well, then, he's in the vanguard, isn't he? He's a new breed. A new breed. Dr. Kroger: In your heart of hearts, I think you know you're not ready for this. Monk: I'm not giving him up. Monk: (to big man in YMCA locker room) Could you--could you do me a favor and go away? Monk: (on the phone with Julie) Listen very carefully. There are cleaning supplies in the hall closet. They're arranged alphabetically, then by height, then by date of purchase. Natalie: Mrs. Carlyle, you can't go. They're expecting a man. Monk: She's right. We'll have to find a man. (Everyone stares at him.) Or--or I could do it. Abigail Carlyle: Do you have children? Monk: Yes. I have a son. (Natalie stares.) Abigail: Well, then, you know how I feel. Wouldn't you do anything for him? Wouldn't you die for him? Monk: Yes. I would. Natalie: What is this? Why is he wearing a helmet? Monk: To protect his head. Natalie: It must be so uncomfortable. Monk: Oh, he'll get used to it. I used to wear one all the time. Natalie: Your parents made you wear a helmet? Monk: (Pause.) No. Operator: Okay, sir, all right. Do you have any wipes? Monk: Yes, I've got about two thousand! Operator: That should be fine. Monk: Not going to be enough! Operator: Sir, you're gonna have to wipe your son's bottom. (Sound of screaming from the phone.) Sir, is the boy all right? Monk: He's fine. That was me. 911 Operator: Sir, what is the nature of your emergency? Monk: It's everywhere. B.M. It's B.M. B.M. B.M. It's B.M. Operator: Sir, you have to stop saying "B.M." now. Do you mean your child is soiling his diaper? Monk: Yes! Yes, he's soiling his--his diaper! Operator: You mean you've never changed a diaper? Monk: Hurry! Teresa: Now before I go, do you have any questions for me? Monk: Yes, yes. I have a couple of questions. What does he eat? Teresa: He--eats food. (Pause.) He eats whatever you eat, only smaller portions. Monk: So he's like a person. Teresa: Exactly. Teresa Crane: (referring to Monk's signature) It doesn't have to be perfect. (Pause.) Maybe it does. Tommy: Nature dirty. Monk: That's what I'm saying. Monk: Oh, no, no, no, no. Tommy, don't put that [stick] in your mouth. No. See, that is nature. See, we never put that in our mouths. Nature is dirty. See. Nature. Dirty. Nature. Dirty. Monk: Hello. My name is Adrian Monk. Tommy: Munch! Monk: That's right. I'm working with the police department as a consultant. Do you understand "consultant"? Natalie: Mr. Monk, he's not gonna get that. Monk: Um, an adviser. Sort of an adjunct. Stottlemeyer: Monk, I don't know what an adjunct is. Tommy: Much Monk! Stottlemeyer: The boy's not talking. Monk: Maybe he hates cops. Stottlemeyer: Maybe he's two years old. Notice something that's missing from this episode? Add It Is there an error that we overlooked? Suggest a Correction
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