Monkisms : Mr. Monk and the Red Herring

Monkisms for episode Mr. Monk and the Red Herring:

Why would a thief want to steal an ordinary pet fish? Monk finds out, and meets a new assistant in the process.

Applicant #3: Mr. Monk, can I be honest with you?
Monk: I wish you wouldn't...

Applicant #2: What would my hours be?
Monk: Nine a.m.
Applicant #2: Until?
Monk:: Until one.
Applicant #2: One p.m.?
Monk: Until one of us dies.

Dr. Kroger: Your new assistant is out there somewhere.
Monk: God help her.

Monk: You're a doctor. Can't you make her come back?
Dr. Kroger: What would you like me to do? Fly back to New Jersey and drug her, bring her back here?
Monk: No. But thank you. (Pause) She's pretty smart. She'd probably escape.

Dr. Kroger: Didn't she sell her house?
Monk: Yes.
Dr. Kroger: And she moved back to New Jersey.
Monk: Yes.
Dr. Kroger: And she remarried her ex-husband.
Monk: I'm not sure I like where you're going here.

Stottlemeyer: It's a goldfish.
Monk: Technically, it's a crimson marblefish.
Disher: Is it extinct?
Stottlemeyer: If it was extinct, we wouldn't be looking at it, would we?

Natalie: Are you a man?
Monk: Yes.
Natalie: Then you can lie. That's what men do.

Monk: (reading note from dead perp's pocket) "2:30 Sea of Tranquility." What is that? A club?
Stottlemeyer: No, I don't think so. Who'd want to go to a club called the Sea of Tranquility? Besides you.

Monk: (about a Neanderthal skeleton) This man didn't freeze to death. He was murdered. There's a puncture wound in the side of his skull.
Natalie: It was over 30,000 years ago.
Monk: Well, there's no statute of limitations on murder. I think I know what happened.
Natalie: Detective Monk, why don't we solve my case first and then we'll come back here later and figure out what happened to Og, okay?

Natalie: You really are the worst liar in the world.
Monk: I tried to tell you that.
Natalie: An honest man. Who'da thunk it?

Monk: What about your wife's niece? The one that's a nurse? She never called me.
Stottlemeyer: Yeah, uh, Monk here's the thing - I love her.
Monk: I understand.

Monk: And you recently started dating again.
Natalie: How did you know that?
Monk: It's patently obvious. I happened to notice these in your coat pocket. Birth control pills. (Pause as Natalie looks at Julie and back at Monk.) Um. I'm sorry.
Natalie: I can't believe you said that. In front of my daughter? What's wrong with you? Do you have zero social skills?
Julie: Mom, it's okay, I'm not a baby.

Monk: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! My mistake! These are not birth control pills. These--these are TicTacs. Little pink and green TicTac candies. But don't eat them. They're--they're special adult--you know (blows to indicate extreme bad breath)--TicTacs.

Natalie: (letting herself in) Are you okay? What are you doing?
Monk: (measuring) It says eight feet. Stay back.
Natalie: They mean approximately.
Monk: No, it's not. It doesn't say "approximately." You have to trust the label makers. Professional label makers.
Natalie: Give me that! (Grabs fire extinguisher.)
Monk: (as Natalie puts out fire) You're too close!

Monk: Ahh! Ohh! You smell that? What is that?
Natalie: It's a pet store. Have you ever been in a pet store?
Monk: No.
Natalie: What have you been doing?
Monk: For one thing, I've been avoiding pet stores.

Monk: (reading instructions on fire extinguisher) "Hold upright. Pull ring pin. Stand eight feet from flame." (Walking backwards) One, two, three, four, five...

Natalie: (about the parrot) What happened to him?
Monk: His wife died.
Pet store clerk: That's right. We had a female in there with him, but she died about a year ago. How did you know that?
Natalie: Why not put another female in there with him?
Monk: Won't work. He'll never feel the same about anyone else.
Pet store clerk: That's right. How did you know that? We put another female in there with him, but I'm afraid ol' Sergeant Pepper is going to grow old and die alone in this little cage.
Natalie: (to Monk) What was her name?
Monk: (sadly) Trudy.

Monk: Maybe I should have mentioned this earlier. But I--give me a second--I have a number of phobias.
Natalie: You? No!
Monk: Oh, yes. and one of them--near the top of the list, actually--is the miracle of birth.

Natalie: What do you call a guy who studies fish?
Monk: An ichthyologist.
Natalie: That's what you are.
Monk: No, I'm not.
Natalie: Yes, you are.
Monk: I really don't think I am.
Natalie: For the next five minutes you are.

Natalie: (as Monk heads for the emergency exit) We have to go [back] through the pelvis.
Monk: I think this is going to be a caesarean.

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Home Monkisms Forums Quote Of The Day Buy Monk on DVD Contribute Other Isms Links Total Isms in the database: 1128	Monkisms for episode Mr. Monk and the Red Herring: Why would a thief want to steal an ordinary pet fish? Monk finds out, and meets a new assistant in the process. Applicant #3: Mr. Monk, can I be honest with you? Monk: I wish you wouldn't... Applicant #2: What would my hours be? Monk: Nine a.m. Applicant #2: Until? Monk:: Until one. Applicant #2: One p.m.? Monk: Until one of us dies. Dr. Kroger: Your new assistant is out there somewhere. Monk: God help her. Monk: You're a doctor. Can't you make her come back? Dr. Kroger: What would you like me to do? Fly back to New Jersey and drug her, bring her back here? Monk: No. But thank you. (Pause) She's pretty smart. She'd probably escape. Dr. Kroger: Didn't she sell her house? Monk: Yes. Dr. Kroger: And she moved back to New Jersey. Monk: Yes. Dr. Kroger: And she remarried her ex-husband. Monk: I'm not sure I like where you're going here. Stottlemeyer: It's a goldfish. Monk: Technically, it's a crimson marblefish. Disher: Is it extinct? Stottlemeyer: If it was extinct, we wouldn't be looking at it, would we? Natalie: Are you a man? Monk: Yes. Natalie: Then you can lie. That's what men do. Monk: (reading note from dead perp's pocket) "2:30 Sea of Tranquility." What is that? A club? Stottlemeyer: No, I don't think so. Who'd want to go to a club called the Sea of Tranquility? Besides you. Monk: (about a Neanderthal skeleton) This man didn't freeze to death. He was murdered. There's a puncture wound in the side of his skull. Natalie: It was over 30,000 years ago. Monk: Well, there's no statute of limitations on murder. I think I know what happened. Natalie: Detective Monk, why don't we solve my case first and then we'll come back here later and figure out what happened to Og, okay? Natalie: You really are the worst liar in the world. Monk: I tried to tell you that. Natalie: An honest man. Who'da thunk it? Monk: What about your wife's niece? The one that's a nurse? She never called me. Stottlemeyer: Yeah, uh, Monk here's the thing - I love her. Monk: I understand. Monk: And you recently started dating again. Natalie: How did you know that? Monk: It's patently obvious. I happened to notice these in your coat pocket. Birth control pills. (Pause as Natalie looks at Julie and back at Monk.) Um. I'm sorry. Natalie: I can't believe you said that. In front of my daughter? What's wrong with you? Do you have zero social skills? Julie: Mom, it's okay, I'm not a baby. Monk: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! My mistake! These are not birth control pills. These--these are TicTacs. Little pink and green TicTac candies. But don't eat them. They're--they're special adult--you know (blows to indicate extreme bad breath)--TicTacs. Natalie: (letting herself in) Are you okay? What are you doing? Monk: (measuring) It says eight feet. Stay back. Natalie: They mean approximately. Monk: No, it's not. It doesn't say "approximately." You have to trust the label makers. Professional label makers. Natalie: Give me that! (Grabs fire extinguisher.) Monk: (as Natalie puts out fire) You're too close! Monk: Ahh! Ohh! You smell that? What is that? Natalie: It's a pet store. Have you ever been in a pet store? Monk: No. Natalie: What have you been doing? Monk: For one thing, I've been avoiding pet stores. Monk: (reading instructions on fire extinguisher) "Hold upright. Pull ring pin. Stand eight feet from flame." (Walking backwards) One, two, three, four, five... Natalie: (about the parrot) What happened to him? Monk: His wife died. Pet store clerk: That's right. We had a female in there with him, but she died about a year ago. How did you know that? Natalie: Why not put another female in there with him? Monk: Won't work. He'll never feel the same about anyone else. Pet store clerk: That's right. How did you know that? We put another female in there with him, but I'm afraid ol' Sergeant Pepper is going to grow old and die alone in this little cage. Natalie: (to Monk) What was her name? Monk: (sadly) Trudy. Monk: Maybe I should have mentioned this earlier. But I--give me a second--I have a number of phobias. Natalie: You? No! Monk: Oh, yes. and one of them--near the top of the list, actually--is the miracle of birth. Natalie: What do you call a guy who studies fish? Monk: An ichthyologist. Natalie: That's what you are. Monk: No, I'm not. Natalie: Yes, you are. Monk: I really don't think I am. Natalie: For the next five minutes you are. Natalie: (as Monk heads for the emergency exit) We have to go [back] through the pelvis. Monk: I think this is going to be a caesarean. Notice something that's missing from this episode? Add It Is there an error that we overlooked? Suggest a Correction
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